Monday, December 19, 2011

The Misery of Typhoon Washi (Bagyo Sendong)

I been living here in Iligan City from birth til now. But this is the first time that my city experienced such a huge disaster due to a killer typhoon.









Monday, December 5, 2011

just in case my FB blogs will become the worst Friendster ... aaaarghhh
6 years of Friendster blogging - which all blogs deleted/removed from the cyber world was a total  wreck!!!

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The Shadow of Narci being a Narcissist

I been wondering (eer, sometimes disturbed) lately by one person's behavior. Let's use the name "Narci". I wonder why Narci has a very changeable attitude. Narci talks then suddenly becomes quite. Quite in a sense that Narci don't want to talk to you but laughs when Narci's with others. Narci nods but seems Narci doesn't sees you after. You would never see Narci's presence if Narci doesn't want to but comes along only if you beg for Narci's presence. Narci will not be visible if you want to see Narci's pretty face naturally but sees Narci's beautifully after satisfyingly done with Narci's obsessions of the Law of beauty. Narci sometimes (actually, rarely) opened a conversation of hatred towards a certain person then suddenly you just learned that Narci's with the other-half of the person Narci hated (most often hatred leads to cursing aaw). Narci loves to give, but Narci loves to count also if Narci finds fault (even if Narci just mistakenly misunderstood grrrr). Narci can make you very pretty but can make you very ugly if Narci talks behind your back.
Actually, I once considered Narci as a very vulnerable person. I always said "I do" most of the time to Narci before. I even loved to hear what Narci wanted to tell. Everytime Narci calls, I almost run before. What Narci tells you, Narci wants you to follow. If Narci dislikes one person, you have to dislike it too. Narci will love you much if you will be Narci's shadow. Narci loves you more if you will stay and smile listening to what Narci says. Narci will keep you if you will stay hanging with Narci. But I wanted to tell Narci that Narci is different from others. We are made uniquely different from each other. I can't be Narci and never will be. I then put a wall into Narci. But Narci doesn't only build wall but also barricades.
I wonder why Narci's very obsessed with the Law of Beauty though Narci's naturally very pretty. Gifted with a loving family, friends, work, financial stability. But all those gifts can be discard if you will observed Narci's changeable attitude. I observed that Narci don't want somebody to be more than Narci. You can be Narci's shadow upon Narci's words and actions.
Psychologically speaking, to observed Narci's closest friends are Narci's shadow. They are more on imitating Narci without their knowing. They are more on followers than a real treasured someone. A simple mistake made will make you Narci's enemy. Then poof you are good as none. Years gone until I conclude that Narci's more to be a dictator than a vulnerable.
But lately, by reading a lot of psychological disturbances of different individuals, I rather be considerate than become another Narci. I rather pity Narci than to hate Narci. With Narci's childhood experiences, I rather be silent and smile. But one thing I wanted to tell Narci ...  "hey, you are prettier and gifted than others. be thankful enough and be more vulnerable than to be a show-of of a one's superior human being. We all have a negative sides but remember that all individuals grow and becomes mature. Grow-up, think and live more happier that just becoming Narci as a Narcissist".

How to Spot a Narcissist
By Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D.

At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy, of course, but this type of narcissism is better termed as responsibly taking care of oneself. It is what I would call “normal” or “healthy” narcissism.
Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation. Narcissists come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. I would like to address how a person becomes an extreme narcissist.
Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. He became emotionally stuck at the time of his major trauma of separation/attachment.
In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted.
The protective insulation barrier he constructed is called a false persona. He created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary.
Some narcissists may have the ability to change into a variety of identities according to the situation. The wounded child inside may choose to present a front as a “bad ass” and tough individual. He may look, by appearance, intimidating and scary to the average person. He could also play the “nice guy/person” whom everyone likes. A corporate type version can be one that is diplomatic, proper, and appearing to care but in reality does not. Another very likeable extreme narcissist can be the one that chooses the comedian role. He is the life of the party and has everyone in stitches, making them laugh constantly. Everyone wants to include this person because they are a lot of fun.
Try to get close or ask personal questions as to how he is internally doing and feeling and you will find is that he will quickly distract you. They will sidestep the question with another joke, making you suddenly forget what you were asking. Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe” and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life.
There is also the success oriented narcissist. She will be your friend and keep you close to her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.
I remember a significant half dozen of these in my life. One narcissist in particular avoids me like the plague because he knows that I do not ultimately plan my life around whether people like me or not. Hence my behavior cannot be controlled by him. He is threatened by my self-assuredness. I’m not safe to him. It does not matter that I have helped him in critical moments of his life. When he realized that he could not control me to make him look good when I was with him, he dropped me like a heavy weight. I received no more phone calls and was taken off his radar screen.
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